


Shattered

by MoonisthenewKira



Series: Songfics for Beating Writer's Block [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm, Shattered-Trading Yesterday, Songfic, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 23:13:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3668748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonisthenewKira/pseuds/MoonisthenewKira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic to "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday. This story deals with self harm and suicide, so if you're not comfortable with that then don't read. Takes place in Season 5 mainly, with references to Mystery Spot and Tall Tales.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered

“I’m supposed to wake up.”

****

_**Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding.** _  
_**Fall into your sunlight.** _  
_**The future's open wide, beyond believing.** _  
_**To know why, hope dies.** _

 

Six months. It has been six months since Dean’s final death at the Mystery Spot. In those six months, Samuel Winchester has turned cold and borderline manic in his quest to find the Trickster. As he would say later, the game stopped being fun for a while, but what went unsaid was the curiosity. The Trickster saw Sam break little by little, the pain and guilt eating away day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

  
**_Losing what was found, a world so hollow._**  
**_Suspended in a compromise._**

 

Truth is, he was about to call it off when Sam found him. The hunter was obviously not getting the message, and if left for too long, would end up killing himself intentionally or not. Dean he could bring back, that was one of his illusions, but Sam…well he had no idea what would happen in Sam got killed in his timeline of pain.

   
**_The silence of this sound, is soon to follow.  
Somehow, sundown. _**

 

The Trickster watches as the Impala drives away from Broward County, sensing Dean’s confusion and anger at him, sentiments he mirrored. Why did he let them live? That wasn’t his style. He could only hope Sam got the message, that he was right in giving in to those eyes, that face (which he admits has been very alluring since Crawford Hall), that darkening, darkening mental state.

 

**_And finding answers._ **  
**_Is forgetting all of the questions we called home._ **  
**_Passing the graves of the unknown._ **

 

Then the Trickster became Gabriel, and Gabriel became part of Team Free Will (he doesn’t know how it came about, but if he’s being honest with himself he really doesn’t want to know). He doesn’t generally _help_ , per say, he just appears and gives advice occasionally. Even though he rarely shows, he notices the growing tension between the Winchester brothers. 

  
**_As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading._**  
**_Illusions of the sunlight._**  
**_And a reflection of a lie, will keep me waiting._**  
**_With love gone, for so long._**

****

Even though Dean was long gone, the atmosphere of the fight lingered, and Gabriel was almost choking with the intensity. If Sam noticed his presence, he made no physical sign of it. That didn’t bother Gabriel, he was used to being ignored by the brothers, and even his own at times. So he just leans against the wall, watching Sam with golden eyes. The younger hunter is sharpening a knife, a demon blade by the looks of it. The action itself is mesmerizing, the skillfulness that Sam possesses in this particular action making the task look almost artsy. It was only when he continued to play around with the knife well after it was sharp that the archangel decided to step in.

  
_**And this day's ending.**_  
_**Is the proof of time killing, all the faith I know.**_  
_**Knowing that faith, is all I hold.**  _

 

“You could hurt yourself like that, kiddo.” Sam looks at the archangel for the first time since he appeared and shrugs, still playing with the knife. Gabriel sighs and settles back against the wall, watching warily. Sam stops fiddling with the blade and just stares at it, thoughts no longer blank but taking a dangerous turn. Gabriel pushes himself off the wall and walks over to him.

          “Okay, that’s enough.” Gabriel grabs the knife from Sam’s hand and he lets go easily. The archangel puts the knife next to the television before sitting on Dean’s bed. They stay like that in silence until Dean returns.

  
**_And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand.  
Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love, without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on. _**

 

Gabriel takes to visiting Sam whenever he is alone, which is becoming more and more often. Normally they stay in silence, the only sound in the room the keys of Sam’s laptop as he searches lore for a hunt, or looks for a new case. When he finally does speak, Gabriel wishes for the silence.

          “Do angel vessels have to be alive?”

          Gabriel swears under his breath, “generally speaking, yes. There is one known exception.”

          “Who?”

          “Me. Made this body myself when I ran from Heaven.”

          “Oh, so Lucifer needs me alive.”

          “Yes…why are you asking?”

          “No reason, just curious.”

Gabriel’s eyes narrow but he lets it slide, which, in hindsight, wasn’t the smartest.

  
**_But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning.  
Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart._**

 

When Gabriel got wind that Sam had been captured by demons, he nearly decided to throw away Witness Protection and show everyone the wrath of an archangel. Instead, he waited until Castiel and Dean stormed the warehouse (seriously, warehouses are beyond tacky and so cliché) and brought the bloody and bruised Sam back to the motel. The demons were trying to torture a ‘yes’ out of the Winchester, but ultimately failed. The Falling angel and hunter leave Sam in the room, believing him to be asleep, while they went to go grab some more supplies and food.

****  
**_Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent._ **  
**_All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain._ **  
**_All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over._ **

 

Gabriel was a little late in his appearance, Sam already gone into the bathroom. A quick survey of the room gave rise to the realization that one of the many knives was gone. With a snap, Gabriel materializes in front of Sam, just as the younger Winchester finishes taking the blade to his forearm in a clean, vertical slice. The intent clearly was to kill, and Gabriel acts on instinct.  

  
**_There's a light, there's the sun, taking all shattered ones._  
_To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all._**

 

Gabriel forces the knife out of Sam’s hand, and pulls him down and off the side of the bathtub for a kiss. Sam doesn’t respond, but doesn’t push away. Gabriel uses this time to heal the cut as best he can, patching it up into a faint scar, as self-inflicted wounds are unholy and therefore exceptions to the full healing of angelic grace. Once the scar is as gone as it can be, Gabriel breaks the kiss and looks at Sam, the emotions in the hunter’s eyes a punch to his being.

          “Talk to me Sammy.” It is a request, a demand, an order.

 

**_And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand.  
Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love, without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on. _ **

 

“I started all this, and I’m the only one who can end this. You told me Lucifer needs a living vessel. Well, if I die he doesn’t get one.” Sam sighs, “And it’s not like I’d be horribly missed. Dean hates me, Cas is just tolerating me for Dean’s sake, this would end everything that I did.”

          “Your brother and my brother don’t hate you, how could they?” Gabriel squeezes Sam’s shoulder, “You started nothing, this was a plan that has been in motion for decades, centuries even. And if you do this, yeah, Luci may lose his vessel, but Dean would lose his brother, Castiel a friend, and me…well. I’d lose someone I love.”

  
**_But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning.  
Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart. _**

 

“Love?”

          “I’ve liked you since Crawford Hall, Sam. And I know, I know I’m to blame for some of this.” The archangel traces the new scar on Sam’s recently unmarred flesh, “And I wish,” Gabriel places his hands on Sam’s damp cheeks, “I wish I was able to fix it all.”

  
**_Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent._**  
**_All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain._**  
**_All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over._**

 

Sam lets out a loud sob and Gabriel pulls him close, fingers running through his hair and incorporeal wings curving around them. He doesn’t know how long this was planned, or even if he could have stopped this, but that matters not at this moment. The archangel sits on the cold tile of some nondescript motel in Bumfuck, Nowhere, cradling the hunter he loves as said hunter lets out every pent-up emotion known to man.

  
**_There's a light, there's the sun, taking all shattered ones._**  
**_To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all._**

“I’m not expecting you to love me back. Not now, not ever.” Gabriel presses a kiss to Sam’s temple as the hunter continues to cry, dry sobs making his body shake.

          “Just accept that I care, and let me help.”

 

**_Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding.  
Fall into your sunlight._ **


End file.
